he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
