Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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