I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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