Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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