i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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