I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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