Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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