I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
