Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
