my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
