guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
