she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
