Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
