Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sext me about skeletons
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
