Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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