I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
