So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
