I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
