My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
