So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
