The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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