My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
