I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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