If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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