just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
