My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
