i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
