I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
