R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
