In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
