I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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