So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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