I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
