I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
