My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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