It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
