his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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