you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
