Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
