Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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