I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
