I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
