oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
