hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
