nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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