The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
