when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
