I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
