$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
