Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
