im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
