and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
