i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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