you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
