No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
