can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
