grandma shit on top of the toilet
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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